Love Alive
by RealWorldWriter47
Summary: Set after the season finale. Elena's life is changing, and her choice is harder than ever. There are so many decisions, not the least of which is choosing a Salvatore. Nothing is as simple as she thought it would be. A series of independent oneshots all based on this idea.
1. A Vision Fleeting

**_A_/N: As usual, the finale of the Vampire Diaries has made me write another fanfiction. This is one take on what happens to Elena after the finale. I'll post another, and maybe one after that if I'm so inspired. Basically 2 or 3 different oneshots with the same theme and VERY different outcomes. I have once again used a poem's title, which I think is very pretty so here it is for your enjoyment:**

The wondrous moment of our meeting... by Alexander Pushkin

The wondrous moment of our meeting...  
Still I remember you appear  
Before me like a vision fleeting,  
A beauty's angel pure and clear.

In hopeless ennui surrounding  
The worldly bustle, to my ear  
For long your tender voice kept sounding,  
For long in dreams came features dear.

Time passed. Unruly storms confounded  
Old dreams, and I from year to year  
Forgot how tender you had sounded,  
Your heavenly features once so dear.

My backwoods days dragged slow and quiet -  
Dull fence around, dark vault above -  
Devoid of God and uninspired,  
Devoid of tears, of fire, of love.

Sleep from my soul began retreating,  
And here you once again appear  
Before me like a vision fleeting,  
A beauty's angel pure and clear.

In ecstasy my heart is beating,  
Old joys for it anew revive;  
Inspired and God-filled, it is greeting  
The fire, and tears, and **love alive**.

_Maybe if I had met you first. _Why didn't he tell her? Because it shouldn't have changed anything. It _didn't _change the essential thing, that she loved Stefan. So why did it feel as though her choice might have been different if Damon had just told her that he was the Salvatore brother who found her first? The truth was she wasn't sure. Both of them were right for her. Stefan was the one who held her when the world seemed like it was falling apart, but Damon was the one who pushed her to glue it back together. She did love Stefan, that much she knew, but if she let herself she could love Damon too, one day.

One day. She had a lot of those now. Here she was transitioning into a vampire, and all she could do was think of the Salvatore brothers, about things that she had said, and things she hadn't. She'd told Damon she had made her choice, but she hadn't told Stefan, and now she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to. Maybe it was because he was the one who had broken the news to her about the transition, maybe it was because she didn't have room to deal with love right now with everything else on her mind.

Yet it was all she could focus on. It was the only thing that made sense, though it was one of a myriad of problems that carried from her human life to her immortal one. Klaus was dead, which meant that he wasn't the one who had created the Salvatore blood line. It also meant that Rebekkah was out for her blood. Elena hung her head in her hands. Nothing was ever going to be sane again!

"You're alive." Since Stefan had left her alone to deal with her thoughts, the words took her by surprise, but not the person who spoke them. Damon stood in the doorframe, drinking her in like he hadn't seen her in years.

"Yup," Elena said, wiping her hands on her jeans and trying to sound nonchalant, "and thirsting for blood."

"You have to complete the transition." His eyes turned to steel, letting her know that this was not a request.

"Stefan's going to teach me the vegetarian diet."

Damon nodded, clearing his throat before he said, "good."

"I thought you would make fun of me," Elena admitted.

"I'm just happy you're not dying today, Elena. You can eat anything you want."

She chewed her lip for a moment before crossing the distance between them and wrapping her arms around his neck, "I'm glad that wasn't goodbye," she said, remembering their phone call.

His hands found her back and pushed her closer to him, but he didn't say anything. He was afraid that words would ruin the moment, would make her break away and act on the choice she had made, the choice for Stefan, but she didn't seem to have any interest in ending their embrace. Eventually she trembled against him, trying to hold in sobs.

"Shh," he murmured against her ear, "you don't have to worry…about anything."

He was letting her off the hook, she knew. He was telling her that she didn't have to worry about her choice, that he understood, but she didn't. She couldn't let him go, not now, not ever, so how could she possibly have chosen Stefan?

"I know what you want," she whispered against his neck, trying to ignore the spark of electricity that ran through her as her lips brushed against his skin, "just like you knew what I wanted."

Damon went rigid. She remembered, of course she did. Now that she was becoming a vampire his compulsion would wear off. He breathed a sigh of relief, his last lie to her was washed away, for better or worse.

"I bet you do," was all he said. Elena didn't know what else to do. She felt exposed, confused, raw, and all she could do was cling to Damon and wonder what life might have been like if he had never compelled her to forget, if he had saved her from the water and breathed new life into her as Stefan had.

They stayed like that for a long time, until she heard another set of footsteps and was finally forced to put some distance between them. He kept a hand on her arm and she didn't shrug it away as Stefan came into the room. If the younger brother was confused by what turn of events might have occurred while he was away he hid it well, though this was certainly not what he thought he would come back to when he had decided to give her space.

Elena eyed the blood that he carried with him in a vial as though it were diseased.

"This is it then," she breathed heavily as she looked from one Salvatore to the other, eyebrows raised.

Stefan nodded, handing the blood into her shaking hands. She took the cap off and let the copper scent fill her nostrils, take over her senses. Soon she forgot that she was in the hospital, forgot Damon's grip on her, or Stefan's concerned eyes. All there was was the blood in her hands and the burning thirst that clenched at her throat, choking her. She felt the veins at her eyes throb, and her vision tunnel. She tipped the blood back and gulped it down quicker than humanly possible, because she was no longer human, she was a vampire.

She wrinkled her nose when it was over. It wasn't that she had consumed blood, that didn't disgust her now, it was that Damon was right, animal blood was truly awful. All the same, she wasn't about to drink human blood, bagged or otherwise. She had seen too much to give in to that temptation.

"Are you ok?" Stefan asked, looking her up and down. Elena looked at him in return. Stefan would always keep her safe, he would never argue with her, he would let her make her choices and be there to catch her if she fell. Even now when everything was spinning, his focus on her was palpable and intense. He would always be this way, she realized. She could spend the next 200 years beside him and he would love her gently and sweetly, he would be what she needed of him, and she would love him easily.

Her eyes swept to Damon. His smirk was in place as always, but his stare betrayed the passion that was never too far buried. If she chose him, their life would not always be easy. They would fight, he would try to protect her from herself, and she would push against him so hard that they would teeter on the edge of their breaking point. She would hate him, but she would love him all the more intensely for it. He would make her the center of his universe. His love would consume her, and he was right, there was a part of her that wanted that.

But it was only a part. Her eyes pleaded with him to understand as she stepped away and took Stefan's hand. His fingers massaged against her cheek, smoothing away the tear tracks that had etched their way against her skin. She laid her forehead against his as he traced the lines of her face, fresh tears brimming at her eyes. It was the choice she had been planning on making all along, and yet it felt wrong. Her stomach churned as she imagined Damon, who they would leave alone in this place, alone with his thoughts.

With a sudden gasp, her heart constricted and she whipped her head back to glance behind her. Damon was still smirking, though to her it looked more forced than it had a moment before. He nodded as he saw the tears, reminding her that it was still ok, that she was allowed to choose his brother. To leave him behind.

"Please don't leave," she begged Damon, though she was still holding Stefan's hand.

"We have forever, Elena, we'll run into each other again." He was denying her, but there was nothing in his voice that hinted at anything unusual. She shook her head fiercely but he ignored her.

"See you soon, Brother," he said, disappearing in a gust. She hadn't left him after all, he had left her, but she had forced the break, and it made her sick.

Stefan took a moment to appreciate the silence. She could see that it didn't weigh on him as it did her. This was how the Salvatore brothers operated. Absence was in many ways more natural to them than constant presence. For Elena though, Damon was a vital part of her life. Whether he angered her, scared her, or excited her, he was a spark in her life, and she felt a little dead inside as she looked around and did not find him standing there.

"Hey," Stefan coaxed, "I love you."

She turned back to him and tried to soften her expression, "I love you too." She touched her lips lightly to his, the salt of her tears filling their kiss with sadness. She was not lying to him, then why did she feel so guilty, as though she were betraying both of them?

Loving Stefan had been easy when Damon wasn't an option. It should have been easy now. He was perfect. Damon was flawed. It would be easy again, she vowed, but only once she confessed everything. Maybe without secrets the guilt would lessen.

"Stefan," his name was a breath against his lips.

"mmm?"

"I do love you. Know that. Always. But…when we were in Colorado…I kissed Damon." She let out the last part in a rush of words, casting her eyes up to gauge his reaction through her lashes.

For a second, Stefan was still. His breath stalled, and his gaze made her blush. In his eyes was an accusation, though he did his best to stifle it. She blushed, wondering why they had not pulled away if he was angry, but he held her as carefully as always. He didn't push her away. He would never be the one to break them. If they were going to come undone, it would be her doing. She had always known that somehow.

"It doesn't matter," he said finally, pressing his lips to her forehead, "I told you to figure out your feelings, and you did. I can't be upset about how you did it."

"you can," she argued, feeling insane for asking him to be mad at her, "you have every right-"

But he was already shaking his head, "No I don't. It doesn't matter now. You're here." He brushed his fingertips along her arms, making her shiver.

"Stefan, I don't know what life is going to be like 50 years from now, I don't know what I'll want or…" she spluttered to a halt as he caught her in a kiss.

"Be with me as long as this is what you want, as long as you're happy. I can't ask for anything else." She nodded, blushing at his selflessness. She could never be that self sacrificing. She thought of what both brothers had done for her. Damon had left her to be at peace, Stefan was giving her an out. She was asking so much, and yet they gave it to her without question. That was love, from both of them. She hoped that she would live up to it.

She nodded, "alright," she said, "let's go home."

Stefan stepped away, taking her hand as they left the hospital. He didn't know that as Elena walked she searched the halls for some sign of Damon, hoping that he would be there so that she would have time to memorize him. They talked in whispers, neither of them quite sure what the eternally long future would hold…

**A/N: I didn't want to devote an entire chapter to an author's note, because those seem rather pointless to me, but I needed to say this (along with fix the spelling of Rebekah's name). I got a review which I subsequently deleted saying that they were annoyed that this was a Stelena fic and they had wasted their time under false pretenses. I have to say that I deliberated what I would categorize this as, but I still dont think I was wrong. The story begins thinking about DAMON. Elena talks to DAMON, worries about DAMON, searches for DAMON. So, while that is not ultimately the choice she makes, the story still centers around their relationship. I don't think that there has to be a happy ending for it to be a Delena fic. In my mind, it just has to focus on the two of them, which this story does despite the presence of Stefan. So, I won't change it. Secondly, I've already decided that if this does become a multichapter fic it will be decidedly Delena (with some twists Im sure). Lastly, don't think that I don't welcome criticism. I do. If you think that I'm wrong about something, you can tell me so. Politely. I am an adult who doesn't need to be reprimanded for a subjective choice I make. In future, if there is an issue simply tell me so and ask me to correct it. I may, I may not, but I will respect your opinion. To that reviewer, I'm sorry that you feel I wasted your time. I hope you don't feel that way in the future. **


	2. Death is Nothing at All

**A/N: Take 2 of the after finale scenerio. She doesn't choose Stefan in this one so don't worry (about that). I hope you enjoy! Review if you feel so inclined. **

"Damon," Elena brightened at the sight of the vampire in the doorway. She had swung away from the metal slab, her head in her hands as she stared blankly ahead. Until he came of course. There was something electric about Damon Salvatore. His presence set everything on fire. He set her on fire. There was something fierce about him even as he stood there. It was as though he approached even the act of existing with passion.

In many ways he and Elena were very similar. She fought hard for her family, her friends, for the right to live. It was all a little laughable now. She would let his ardor be enough for them tonight. She was too tired to struggle.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly as he crouched in front of her. He searched her brown eyes with his blue ones, reaching a hand to draw away a strand of hair that obscured his view of her compassionate gaze.

"Alright," she said, catching his hand and holding it against her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Elena."

She shook her head with a laugh that she couldn't quite bring herself to feel, "Not everything is your fault, Damon. You weren't even there." She had meant the last part to be light hearted, but a pang of guilt shot through her. He wasn't there because she hadn't chosen him, because she had told Matt to drive toward Stefan instead.

Damon's answering smirk was tinged in sadness, "I notice Stefan's not sitting vigil at your bedside. Where is he?" He asked with forced lightness.

Elena squirmed, "at home, I guess."

Damon raised his eyebrows, "you guess?"

"I sent him away." Her eyes were cast down to her lap as she admitted it.

"Why?" Damon breathed.

Elena's eyes flashed up, and now they were almost accusing, "because I met you first."

Damon opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. There was nothing to say. It was the biggest secret that he had had to keep from her, and he had managed it so much longer than shielding her from the fact that he was a vampire. He felt that he could breathe a little easier now that she knew.

When he finally spoke it was not at all what she was expecting, "it doesn't have to change anything, Elena."

She stared at him, dumbfounded, "it does though! I liked you. You made me want to stay there and talk to you. What if I had? Everything would be different now!" _Better now, _she added silently.

Damon smiled at her fury, "you wouldn't have." He said it with such certainty.

"How do you know?" she huffed.

He perched himself on the tray beside her, taking her hand, "girls like you: good girls, smart ones, they don't stick around for guys like me. Even if we are charming and mysterious."

"I'm here with you now," Elena reminded him.

He chuckled, "because circumstances have turned you into a girl desperate for supernatural company."

"It's not just that," she persisted, but he only eyed her speculatively.

"Elena, you're too nice to me. I don't deserve it. You would have gone home then, and you should now."

"I don't want to go home." She laid her head on his shoulder and let him stroke her hair.

"Afraid you might eat Jeremy?" He joked. She elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"I _was _going to say I wanted your company."

She examined their laced fingers for a while until Damon asked, "do you want my advice?"

She laughed, "not really."

"Pick Stefan." He sighed. He hated to push her away when she was so close, but he didn't want her heightened guilt and some forgotten memory to influence her choice. She loved Stefan. She might like him, but that wasn't enough for him to take advantage of her turbulent emotions. His brother was better than he was. Simple as that.

"Damon, stop it. Stop pretending that you don't mean anything to me." Her voice was quiet, but fierce.

"I know you _care, _Elena." He said the word "care" like a curse, and she couldn't help but snort.

"I do care," she assured him as she brushed her thumb against his hand, "I love you."

Damon's body went rigid, "Elena-" he warned. He didn't want hope, not when Stefan was likely to come waltzing into the room all superman-esq and prince like, and she would be forced to renege on the deal. It was better that she knew his feelings and that was that. How could the love she bore him compare to that she had for Stefan, who had done everything in his power to deserve it? Damon had barely begun to try.

"shhh," she admonished, "just let me love you."

"For now," Damon muttered under his breath in spite of himself.

"For always," she corrected him. "I will always love you, Damon."

"But Stefan…" Damon's voice trailed off, hardly believing the force with which she had spoken those words.

"Damon," she looked into his eyes, momentarily mesmerized by the blue of them, "would you love me, here, now, and forget everything else? Could you do that for me?"

His answer came in the form of a kiss. He took her lips into his deftly. Slowly at first he took the time to memorize how they felt against his. He felt the warmth of them, the truth of them. He could sense the truth of her words in her kiss. There was love there. He picked her up, holding her close to his body, feeling her thundering heartbeat against his chest.

Her hands had slipped under his shirt, her palm gliding across the plains of his body. It was under the heat of her touch that the kiss deepened. Her sweater was flung across the floor and her tank top over her head before he had even registered what he was doing. He pulled away to stop himself, to force himself to slow down, just in time to see her nod.

She slid his shirt down his shoulders and tossed it to the ground. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that this was very unlike Elena. He knew that he should stop and talk to her, but he couldn't bring himself to care as she laid her flushed cheek against his chest, planting sideways kisses along his skin.

"I could definitely do that," Damon said, remembering that he hadn't answered her question.

"hmm?" she wondered distractedly.

"Never mind," he said as he caught her lips again.

0000

_Some time earlier…_

Elena was crying. The tears glided down her cheeks so quickly that she didn't bother to wipe them away. Her whole body trembled as she clung to Stefan.

"_Please don't hate me,"_ she begged, "_I love you._"

Stefan let out a strangled sob, "I could never hate you. I'm so sorry, Elena, so sorry."

She shook her head in the safety of his neck, "no. I won't let you feel guilty for this."

Stefan nodded, but she didn't believe for a second that she had won. There was nothing she could say, really, to make him believe that it wasn't his fault.

"Do you need anything?" he asked thickly, his eyes shining as he looked her up and down.

Elena swallowed down the sick feeling in her throat. She did need something, but she was afraid to ask it, "I need you to leave." She said slowly, gauging his reaction. She saw the surprise in his features but chose to ignore it, "and I need you to take care of him when I'm gone."

"Damon," it wasn't a question, but she nodded all the same.

"I love him, Stefan. I love you, but I love him. He deserves to know, even if it is too late."

"What are you going to..."

But she cut him off, "please don't ask me that."

"You love him," Stefan whispered.

"I do." She said fervently, "but that doesn't mean I don't love you. Right now, I'm saying that it's alright to love you both."

Stefan smiled sadly, "right now, I think it is."

He kissed her forehead, "goodbye Elena."

"Hey Stefan," she called right before he disappeared from the room, "would you make sure I'm buried next to Mom and Dad?"

Tears fell from his eyes as he nodded.

0000

Damon might have let himself imagine that he would sleep with Elena. Ok, he might have let himself imagine that possibility quite a lot, but he had never envisioned that this would happen in a hospital morgue. Still, he couldn't complain. Definitely not.

Her arm was slung over him, and he ran his fingers across her skin thoughtfully. He was lost in his own world, so he didn't at first notice how clammy she was, or how still.

"Elena?" He asked in alarm.

"Don't be scared, Damon," she mumbled exhaustedly. He sat up with inhuman speed, letting her hand smack down to the floor.

"What did you do?" He asked. He couldn't stop his voice from shaking as he glared at her.

With great effort she managed to roll onto her back and stare up at him, "don't ruin this."

"Answer. The. Question. Elena." He barked out the words.

"I'm not going to transition." She admitted sleepily, as though it were the most natural thing in the world, like she were reciting the synopsis of a book, not announcing the end of her life.

"Yes you are!" Damon shot up, finding his pants and stepping back into them, "I'll go find you some blood."

Elena shook her head against the tile, looking exasperated, "I won't drink it."

"You _will_," Damon snarled.

"It's too late, Damon. Don't leave. Don't make me die alone." Tears sparkled in her eyes at the thought, a sight that wasn't lost on Damon.

He crashed back down to his knees, cradling her head in his arm, "why didn't you tell me?" he choked out.

Elena let out a breathy laugh that took so much energy that her eyes seemed to shut, yearning for relief, "I didn't want to fight tonight."

"You wanted to lie to me instead?" he accused.

Elena smiled at him, "no. I wanted passion and danger, a love that consumes me."

"You can't use my words against me." Damon was trembling. Her words were coming so slowly. She seemed to almost trip over them. He knew that she was right, that it was too late, and even if it wasn't, he had once promised her that he wouldn't let her become a monster.

She traced the outline of his face with clumsy, tired fingers, "not against you. For you."

"You make no sense when you're…" but Damon couldn't joke, and he could no longer pretend that there weren't tears streaming down his face and falling onto her fumbling fingers. He caught them and brought her palm to his quaking lips.

He felt like he was choking, like he might vomit or faint. He wanted to run and disappear, vanish, desiccate, but he was rooted to the spot. He pulled Elena fully into his lap, crushing her to his chest.

She swallowed hard against the cotton feeling in her throat, "listen," she rasped, "you are loved. If there's a heaven I'll be there, watching over you."

Damon sobbed, the force of it rocking her body in his arms, "if anyone deserves heaven it's you, Elena."

"And be nice to Stefan. He loves you."

"Elena, I…" His throat wouldn't let him go on. He was choking, drowning. Elena was his life vest, and now he was stranded in an ocean of tremendous waves.

"mmm," she said distractedly, as though she were retreating into her own thoughts, "what a nice way to die."

"I won't let go," he promised.

"I know."

"I love you," he sobbed, kissing her palm, her forehead, her pale lips, "don't leave me. I love you."

"Love. You." She forced the words in two treacherously ragged breaths. His tears fell against her skin, but she didn't stir. He felt her breaths slow against his chest, felt as her body went slack in his. Still, he wouldn't let go. He couldn't let his arms release her. He held her close and cried, yelling her name into the empty room, then a petrified fear crept over him and he couldn't say anything at all. She was gone. She would never challenge him again, never save him again. Her final act of salvation was over, her life was over.

He wrapped Elena in his jacket. He would keep his promise. He would never let go. He would hold her in his heart forever.

0000

Three members of the Gilbert family lay side by side in the ground. The sun poured cheerily across the two gravestones as Damon looked on. He knew that she still wore his jacket, that he had wanted her to be enveloped in something familiar and warm as she went on to whatever awaited her after this life. He hoped that she was at peace, that finally after all of the war and the terror, all of the painful decisions, she was free.

The funeral was long over. Everyone had gone home, even Stefan, but Damon was home. The words of Jeremy's eulogy still reverberated in his brain, trying to root themselves. They weren't terribly original, but somehow when he thought of them he imagined her saying it to him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder, speaking into his ear:

Death is nothing at all

I have only slipped away into the next room

I am I and you are you

Whatever we were to each other

That we are still

Call me by my old familiar name

Speak to me in the easy way you always used

Put no difference into your tone

Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed

At the little jokes we always enjoyed together

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was

Let it be spoken without effort

Without the ghost of a shadow in it

Life means all that it ever meant

It is the same as it ever was

There is absolute unbroken continuity

What is death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind

Because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you for an interval

Somewhere very near

Just around the corner

All is well.

Nothing is past; nothing is lost

One brief moment and all will be as it was before

How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again

Slowly, Damon stepped up to the tombstone and pressed his lips against it. She would be mad if he stayed here too long, she knew. She would have put her hands on her hips, her eyes challenging him. The image was so clear that he laughed.

"Alright, Elena." He said under his breath. He walked away from the cemetery, but not away from her, never away from her.

**A/N: So, I thought that Stefan would let her end her life if she told him she wanted to. That's why she could tell him. I hope that she doesn't come off slutty, because that wasn't my intention. I just felt like she loved Damon and she really wanted him to know. Also, if you had to die..I mean, c'mon it's a pretty good way to go :P**


	3. Rendezvous with Death

**A/N: I have a very morbid imagination. So, this turn of events was bound to come across my thought process eventually. It is by no means how I expect or want season 4 to go-which isnt returning until October! What is this nonsense? Anyway here is a morbid poem to go along with these awful events:**

**I have a rendezvous with Death  
At some disputed barricade,  
When Spring  
comes back with rustling shade  
And apple-blossoms fill the air—  
I have a  
rendezvous with Death  
When Spring brings back blue days and fair.**

**It**  
**may be he shall take my hand**  
**And lead me into his dark land**  
**And close my**  
**eyes and quench my breath—**  
**It may be I shall pass him still.**  
**I have a**  
**rendezvous with Death**  
**On some scarred slope of battered hill**  
**When Spring**  
**comes round again this year**  
**And the first meadow-flowers appear.**

**God**  
**knows 'twere better to be deep**  
**Pillowed in silk and scented down,**  
**Where**  
**Love throbs out in blissful sleep,**  
**Pulse nigh to pulse, and breath to**  
**breath,**  
**Where hushed awakenings are dear...**  
**But I've a rendezvous with**  
**Death**  
**At midnight in some flaming town,**  
**When Spring trips north again this**  
**year,**  
**And I to my pledged word am true,**  
**I shall not fail that rendezvous.**

"How do we do this?" Damon Salvatore burst into the morgue, shrugging out of his jacket as he strode toward Bonnie, who barely glanced at him. Her eyes were trained on Elena as she slumbered, dead for the moment. Dead forever if she tried this spell and it failed. She almost didn't suggest it, but if she didn't Elena would come back as a vampire. She couldn't let her best friend go through that. She had to try.

Bonnie forced herself to look at Damon, "Dr. Fell said that it's your blood that was in Elena's system. I think I can stop her from transitioning, but it requires a sacrifice. It's your blood Damon. It has to be you."

"Yeah. Got that." Damon's words were clipped, "how do we start?"

"We have to wait until she wakes up."

"Well that sucks. Now we have to deal with her trying to stop me." He crouched down beside the metal slab, examining Elena.

"Damon, maybe we should let her decide…" Stefan's anxious voice trailed off as he looked from the love of his life to his brother.

Damon had forgotten that he was there, but now he raised his eyebrows, "let her decide if I should die for her? Yeah that'll go over well."

"Maybe she would rather be a vampire. You don't know." His words were more confident, but it took less than a second for Damon to shake his head.

"No. She doesn't get to be all self sacrificing. Let me do that for once." He stared his brother down.

Stefan hung his head in defeat, "I'll let you say goodbye then."

"Hey, brother?" Damon called to his retreating form. Stefan turned, eyes full of torment.

"Live a good life. You deserve it."

That was it. After all of those tumultuous years of hatred and failed reconciliation, those were his final words to Stefan. He wasn't about to pretend that all was well and good between them, to run and hug him, act as though he had always been a good older brother. No, it was better to keep things as they were. Just the facts. Stefan seemed to understand, he always did.

"Any parting words for me, Sabrina?" Damon asked to fill the silence.

Bonnie ignored the stupid nickname, "This is a good thing you're doing."

Damon snorted, "I was hoping for something more along the lines of, 'I always had a thing for you, Damon,'"

Bonnie spluttered, but any response she would have given was cut short by Elena's sudden gasp.

"Wha-" she choked as Damon put a hand on her shoulder to steady her.

"Matt, is Matt ok?" Her frantic eyes stared at Damon, demanding an answer.

"He's fine." He said steadily.

Elena brought shaking hands to her head, struggling to remember, "the bridge. We drove off the bridge. I blacked out, I… am I dead?" She asked the last part in horror looking nervously between Bonnie and Damon.

Damon couldn't help but laugh, "no, you're not dead. Do you really think I'd be hanging out with the teenage witch in the afterlife? You've been watching too much _Grey's Anatomy._" He smirked, but it did nothing to calm her.

"I don't understand," her voice trembled, "why am I here?"

Damon sighed. Somehow he had hoped that he wouldn't have to explain this, "you're in transition Elena, but don't worry. We'll fix it. Bonnie has a spell that will make you good as new."

Elena managed a shallow breath, "I'm becoming a vampire?" her whole body shook as she considered it, and she drew her knees to her chest.

"No," Damon said firmly, "some hocus pokus and you'll be human. No harm done."

She whipped her head toward Bonnie her eyes scrutinizing, "is this spell dangerous?"

"you'll be fine," Bonnie evaded.

"I mean for _you_."

Her friend smiled, "not even a little."

Elena turned back to Damon, "and you?" she challenged.

_LIE. _The notion screamed in his mind so loud he could hardly see straight. He couldn't tell her the truth; that no matter the outcome of the spell he would wind up dead. They were already wasting too much time. He couldn't risk that they would lose their window while she was fighting with him.

"of course not." He said as lightly as he could, brushing her hair back with his palm.

He was a good liar. Maybe he had learned something from Katherine after all. Still, a part of him wished that she would see through him, that she would plead with him to stay with her, that she would want to live out their immortal lives together. She would never make that choice though, and he had to face that.

"Thank you, Damon," she whispered instead, wrapping her arms around him. He could feel her lips against his neck, her eyelashes batting against his skin. Her heart thundered against him, her pulse thrummed in his ear. She would live. That would have to be enough.

"I love you," he allowed himself to breathe the words into her hair.

She hugged him tighter, "I know you do. Damon, don't leave because of my choice, don't. It'll be alright. I don't wanna lose you."

She was pleading, and her breath was so warm. He nearly choked.

"you don't need me, Elena."

Her voice sounded strangled now, horrified by his words, "I do. I love you, Damon. I don't just care. I care so much it makes me feel like my heart's gonna explode. That has to be love. I don't understand it. I don't know what I should do." She cried into his shoulder, "Don't leave," she sobbed, "all I know is I don't want you to leave."

He rubbed her back, trying to ignore the threat of his own burning eyes.

"shh, Elena," he managed, pulling away to look at her, "don't worry about any of that now. Just let us help you, ok?" she nodded.

He stood up and looked at Bonnie, who had crossed her arms as though she were physically trying to hold herself together, "don't get all weepy now," he hissed half heartedly.

"Compel her to sleep," Bonnie instructed, her voice quivering.

Damon cradled the back of Elena's head. She smiled at him reassuringly as he focused his gaze on her, "Go to sleep, Elena. Know that you are safe, that you are loved."

Her eyelids dropped heavily over her brown orbs. He kissed her forehead, "Goodbye, Elena." Though his voice was soft as he said it, his eyes were hard when they turned back to the witch.

"Why did we need to wait for her to wake up if we were just going to put her to sleep again?"

"Because you deserved to see each other one last time."

Damon rolled his eyes to cover his emotions. How different this moment would have been if Elena hadn't woken. He would never have heard those three words that changed everything. Well, not everything, but it was so much easier to step into death knowing that you're love was returned.

Bonnie crossed over to them, "I'm sorry, Damon, but I'm you're going to need to cut yourself. You're blood needs to spill over her."

"and then what?" he asked, trying to sound bored, like he wasn't talking about the end of his life.

"and then we stake you both." Bonnie offered ominously.

Damon startled, his eyes wide, "but she's not a vampire, you can't stake her!" He shouted indignantly.

"it's how the spell works. The sacrifice of your life and blood should be enough to restore her to her human state once the stake is removed."

"Should or will?"

"will." She answered with false confidence.

"Alright then." Without another word Damon ripped into his own flesh and let the blood flow over Elena's slumbering form. It took him three wounds to produce enough blood.

As he brought his eyes to her he looked past the scarlet mess to her soft features. He focused on them even as Bonnie produced the stake that would end his life, "you first," she explained, "then Elena."

"Good," he murmured, and he meant it. He wouldn't have to watch Elena die.

Bonnie stared at him for a moment, like she was seeing him for the first time, "you've finally done something to deserve her," she marveled.

Damon laughed, "you always know just what to say. Make sure she knows this was my choice. I can't have her hating herself."

He took Elena's limp hand firmly in his as Bonnie drove the stake through his heart.

00000

Elena screamed. She screamed at Damon who could no longer hear her, and at Bonnie who could do nothing but. It hadn't taken her more than half a minute to look from her bloody skin to the floor when Damon lay, gray and still.

"What did you do?" she screeched as she tumbled to the floor, dragging Damon's head into her lap and raking through his hair as though that would somehow bring him back.

"_What did you do?_" she whispered against his lips after burying her face close to his.

He couldn't be dead. Damon Salvatore was vibrant and awake. His opinions, the voice that never failed to send shivers down her spine, that couldn't have been silenced while she was sleeping!

_Know that you are safe, that you are loved. _

It was a lie. She was not safe. Her heart was in the most dangerous place of all, teetering on the edge of darkness, ready to plummet. She had caused another person's death, and not just anyone, Damon. Damon, who loved her more than she could imagine, who had saved her time and time again, and what had she ever done for him? She had pushed him away because of his past, but more than that, because of his feelings for her. She had spent their entire relationship building a barrier between the two of them, never letting him get too close. She hadn't had time to tear it down.

There was no confusion about whether she loved him now, when he couldn't hear how she screamed the words into the empty air, or sobbed them against his chest. He couldn't hear as she pounded the floor with her fist until it bled. He didn't feel how close she hugged him, or the quaking kisses she placed along his skin.

"you should have let me be a vampire!" she cried as she clutched him, "you should have let me love you!"

Elena's chest heaved, but she couldn't stop her tears, and she wouldn't let go of Damon, "Bring him back," she begged Bonnie, with eyes that couldn't see past her pain, _"Please."_

"I can't," Bonnie said in anguish, "It was his choice, Elena."

"NO!" She screamed furiously, her throat so raw that she felt it must be bleeding, "he doesn't get to choose this. He doesn't get to leave me alone."

She scrambled to her feet, managing to set Damon lightly on the floor like she might hurt him by handling him too roughly. She raced to the grimoire and flipped through it with bloody palms.

"There must be something," she mumbled feverishly.

Bonnie placed her hands on her friend's shoulders, "there's nothing in there that can bring him back."

"You never liked him," Elena spat, wheeling around to face the witch, "you won't help me because you didn't like him."

Bonnie reeled back, stunned, "Elena," she stammered, "I would if I could, I swear."

Elena ignored her, going back to her post beside Damon. Her heart hammered hard against her chest, a treacherous reminder of what he had given his life for. All of these sacrifices that she didn't want, didn't deserve.

She laid her lips against his ear, "I love you, and I will miss you until the day I die." Elena planted a feather light kiss on his mouth, picturing the man that he was instead of the lifeless thing she couldn't comprehend.

She curled into herself. She would never have had the strength to leave him if she weren't physically carried away.


End file.
